The Glory Hole Tour Across America:
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
TV Letdown
Discovery Channels's The Deadliest Catch: I turned this on because the TV Guide said it was about men catching crabs. Hoping to get some advice, you can imagine my dissapointment when it was literally about guys catching crabs...the kind you eat. Not the kind that I am currently afflicted with.
This isn't the first time that this has happened to me. In high school I hooked up with this girl named Melanie at a house party. We were going at it in a back bedroom. To this day, Melanie claims that she told me repeatedly that she had crabs, and that I should take whatever precautions were necessary. I was really drunk and the music was very loud, so I couldn't hear a damn thing.
It was another day or two before the itching really started. At first I assumed it was some of the normal chafing, a problem I've always had by the way. When I was a little tyke, I had incredibly dry skin. And the focal point of my itching was in fact, my penis. I scratched so much that I wore away much of it's natural elasticity, causing my urethra to be open all the time. This led me straight to the emergency room when my refusal to ingest liquids made me severely dehydrated.
The condition was particularly troublesome in the bathtub, when the soapy water would seep into the wide-open hole and burn the likes of which I can't even describe. But that's not even the worst part. The only way to stop the burning was to suck out the offending liquid with a long straw. A surgery eventually corrected the problem, using flesh scraped from my gums to line my urethra.
So there I was, seventeen years old with a bad case of crabs. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents, and there was no way in hell I was going to the clinic to buy the special shampoo. I decided that the best remedy was to simply shave down. I picked up the best razor the pharmacy had and went to work. Unfortunately I was so nervous that my attempt left me with horrible nicks and razor burn that hurt worse than the crabs.
Too traumatized to make a second attempt, I went to my cousin and best friend, Ira. After some cajoling and the promise of $100 dollars and ten of my dad's vicodins, Ira donned rain gear and shaved me down with an electric razor until I looked like a tall infant.
Oh yeah, despite my initial disappointment, I found Deadliest Catch to be a pretty entertaining show.
This isn't the first time that this has happened to me. In high school I hooked up with this girl named Melanie at a house party. We were going at it in a back bedroom. To this day, Melanie claims that she told me repeatedly that she had crabs, and that I should take whatever precautions were necessary. I was really drunk and the music was very loud, so I couldn't hear a damn thing.
It was another day or two before the itching really started. At first I assumed it was some of the normal chafing, a problem I've always had by the way. When I was a little tyke, I had incredibly dry skin. And the focal point of my itching was in fact, my penis. I scratched so much that I wore away much of it's natural elasticity, causing my urethra to be open all the time. This led me straight to the emergency room when my refusal to ingest liquids made me severely dehydrated.
The condition was particularly troublesome in the bathtub, when the soapy water would seep into the wide-open hole and burn the likes of which I can't even describe. But that's not even the worst part. The only way to stop the burning was to suck out the offending liquid with a long straw. A surgery eventually corrected the problem, using flesh scraped from my gums to line my urethra.
So there I was, seventeen years old with a bad case of crabs. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents, and there was no way in hell I was going to the clinic to buy the special shampoo. I decided that the best remedy was to simply shave down. I picked up the best razor the pharmacy had and went to work. Unfortunately I was so nervous that my attempt left me with horrible nicks and razor burn that hurt worse than the crabs.
Too traumatized to make a second attempt, I went to my cousin and best friend, Ira. After some cajoling and the promise of $100 dollars and ten of my dad's vicodins, Ira donned rain gear and shaved me down with an electric razor until I looked like a tall infant.
Oh yeah, despite my initial disappointment, I found Deadliest Catch to be a pretty entertaining show.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
