Chapter 11: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Ten quick facts about Minneapolis:
1. It sucks.
2. It’s actually The Twin Cities.
3. The second one sucks too.
4. Wisconsin is only a twenty minute drive away.
5. You will never bump into anyone from your former life, ever.
6. If you’ve lost someone to Crystal Meth, even yourself, check Minneapolis, or its twin.
7. Home of superstores: Target and Walmart.
8. Behind both establishments are meth dealers. Always.
9. Wisconsin borders Minnesota on all sides and is twenty minutes away from every Target.
10. What I miss?
Onto the Glory Holes!
There are glory holes, and then there are glory holes. Minneapolis contains the latter.
There are three glory holes in The Twin Cities. Two of them are located in Dinky Town. One is behind the Dunn Brothers Coffee Shop on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 7am to 9am only. Time may be limited but worth it since the hole is adjacent to the back entrance. Everyone rushes through their morning routine, buzzed and ready for head.
The second is located inside the last Cideon Oneplex Movie Theatre. Fourth row in, fourth seat in. If I could give this hole a name, it would be Brutus. And that still doesn’t fully describe what I must have mistaken for a fucking denture factory.
The third glory hole, and quite possibly the most intriguing thing about the Twin Cities is that its located right by The Mississippi River, underneath the collapsed bridge. I like this hole because it was made for people my height. I’m normally the glory, but in this case I was whatever you call a man whose dick falls off within a month.
In retrospect, I might have the clap.